A while ago, my friend Juliet told me that one her favorite things to do with me was listen to me read old diary entries about various dudes that I've dated over the years. I mean, it IS kind of funny. So, I'd like to start sharing some of those stories with you.
But first, a reminder to those men I love and care about.
Michael - my first love, Erick - my formative love, and Ryan - my forever love, I promise not to write about you in this blog. (Unless I am referring to you in passing, like, "Ryan looked over my shoulder and nervously asked what I was writing about.")
An overview: I am turning34 27 34 years old in 10 days. I am still unmarried and not engaged. I did have a dream last night that I was picking out a wedding dress with my mom at Bloomingdales and it had a diamond cut-out over my navel that was awesome. But, that moment is still in my future.
The sum total of years that I have been in committed relationships is: 5 (five).
If you consider that the average human being starts dating when they are, say, 15, this leaves me with 14 (fourteen) years of being single and unattached. However, I didn't even kiss a boy until I was 18, so let's subtract 3 years from that and come to a final number of 11 years.
In 11 years, I have dated 1 million men. This is only a slight exaggeration. Let's talk about my first.
Mauricio the Mexican Exchange Student
In high school - for my ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL CAREER, I had a crush on a certain Peter D. He knows who he is. I'm sure some of you know who he is. Peter D. and I were best friends, and he kind of knew that I had a major thing for him. (Side note, I am still really good friends with Peter D.)
When I was 18 years old and a senior in high school, and just finally starting to come out of my nerdy shell, I decided that I had had enough of pining after Peter D. and was ready to move on. So, because I was a clever girl, I moved on to Peter D.'s Mexican exchange student, Mauricio.
Mauricio was the first boy to ever act like he was in any way attracted to me, and I took advantage of it.
He and I would speak in Spanish on the phone every night for an hour. I'm actually really impressed that in 12th grade I could engaged in an hour long conversation in Spanish.
In any event, one magical night, he gave me my first kiss in the family rec room. He asked me whether I'd ever kissed anyone (in Spanish) and I made up a lie (in Spanish) about how I'd kissed someone at summer camp. (I actually was good enough at Spanish to LIE in the language). So he kissed me, and, as most first kisses go, it was pretty wet. But for me, it was a triumph. FINALLY! FINALLY I HAD GRADUATED!
So, Mauricio eventually left the exchange program and went back home to his family's cheese factory in Gudalajara. Peter D. admitted to me that he was jealous. All was right with the world and things went back to normal
Until...Mauricio wrote me a letter.
I still have the letter! It is taped to my diary. He had included a lock of his hair, which I eventually threw out because my friends said it was gross (even though I thought it was sort of romantic.)
Here is an exact reproduction of the letter, word for misspelled word (I left out my friend's name and replaced it with Xs):
*********
KATE:
Hi, how are you doing? I know that you are doing very good. You know something. I can’t wait until you come this summer. I want to see you now but I know I can’t. I hope that you can come. I am so exited. Look. I know that you will never want something with me but what can I do. You know I think that you are a very special girl not only for me but for everyone. So how was your trip to the college that you told me you were visiting? Have you decided in which college do you want to study? Yes, that’s a good decision.
Oh, by the way, do you know what I did? No, well I will tell you. I cut my hair and I don’t look that bad. I mean I think that I looked better with long hair because I can hide my ugly face with the hair, and now I can’t. But I think that if somebody likes me, she has to like me how I am, without masks. And now I can give you my hair. I remember that you said that you liked my hair so I send you some hair; note that I cut my hair just because you said me that you like it and I wanted to give something to you so you could have a recall of me and so you never forget me. I also send you a picture of me so you can have me in your room. But please if you don’t want it or you don’t care about it give it to XXXXX and if she don’t want it too, just put it in an envelope and send it back to me. If that happens I would know that you don’t want to know about me anymore. But please don’t let that happen because you mean a lot to me and the fact is that “I think I love you”; and “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when you are with me.” I was reserving this kind of verse for someone who I really love and like and you were the one that made me plasm these words so I believe that you are that special person that I was looking for. I know that it is stupid falling in love like this but that’s the way it is and only destiny can tell about what is going to happen.
*********
Poor Mauricio! He didn't know about my crafty plan with Peter D. He didn't know that I lied to him in Spanish! I had to write him back a letter, assuring him that I thought he and his hair were really great, but that it probably wasn't going to work out between us. And, I never heard from him again.
So, that is the story of my first guy experience. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed telling it. And to Mauricio, wherever you are...perhaps toiling at your parents' cheese factory in Guadalajara - I wish you nothing but the best. I will never, ever forget you.
But first, a reminder to those men I love and care about.
Michael - my first love, Erick - my formative love, and Ryan - my forever love, I promise not to write about you in this blog. (Unless I am referring to you in passing, like, "Ryan looked over my shoulder and nervously asked what I was writing about.")
An overview: I am turning
The sum total of years that I have been in committed relationships is: 5 (five).
If you consider that the average human being starts dating when they are, say, 15, this leaves me with 14 (fourteen) years of being single and unattached. However, I didn't even kiss a boy until I was 18, so let's subtract 3 years from that and come to a final number of 11 years.
In 11 years, I have dated 1 million men. This is only a slight exaggeration. Let's talk about my first.
Mauricio the Mexican Exchange Student
In high school - for my ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL CAREER, I had a crush on a certain Peter D. He knows who he is. I'm sure some of you know who he is. Peter D. and I were best friends, and he kind of knew that I had a major thing for him. (Side note, I am still really good friends with Peter D.)
When I was 18 years old and a senior in high school, and just finally starting to come out of my nerdy shell, I decided that I had had enough of pining after Peter D. and was ready to move on. So, because I was a clever girl, I moved on to Peter D.'s Mexican exchange student, Mauricio.
Mauricio was the first boy to ever act like he was in any way attracted to me, and I took advantage of it.
He and I would speak in Spanish on the phone every night for an hour. I'm actually really impressed that in 12th grade I could engaged in an hour long conversation in Spanish.
In any event, one magical night, he gave me my first kiss in the family rec room. He asked me whether I'd ever kissed anyone (in Spanish) and I made up a lie (in Spanish) about how I'd kissed someone at summer camp. (I actually was good enough at Spanish to LIE in the language). So he kissed me, and, as most first kisses go, it was pretty wet. But for me, it was a triumph. FINALLY! FINALLY I HAD GRADUATED!
So, Mauricio eventually left the exchange program and went back home to his family's cheese factory in Gudalajara. Peter D. admitted to me that he was jealous. All was right with the world and things went back to normal
Until...Mauricio wrote me a letter.
I still have the letter! It is taped to my diary. He had included a lock of his hair, which I eventually threw out because my friends said it was gross (even though I thought it was sort of romantic.)
Here is an exact reproduction of the letter, word for misspelled word (I left out my friend's name and replaced it with Xs):
*********
KATE:
Hi, how are you doing? I know that you are doing very good. You know something. I can’t wait until you come this summer. I want to see you now but I know I can’t. I hope that you can come. I am so exited. Look. I know that you will never want something with me but what can I do. You know I think that you are a very special girl not only for me but for everyone. So how was your trip to the college that you told me you were visiting? Have you decided in which college do you want to study? Yes, that’s a good decision.
Oh, by the way, do you know what I did? No, well I will tell you. I cut my hair and I don’t look that bad. I mean I think that I looked better with long hair because I can hide my ugly face with the hair, and now I can’t. But I think that if somebody likes me, she has to like me how I am, without masks. And now I can give you my hair. I remember that you said that you liked my hair so I send you some hair; note that I cut my hair just because you said me that you like it and I wanted to give something to you so you could have a recall of me and so you never forget me. I also send you a picture of me so you can have me in your room. But please if you don’t want it or you don’t care about it give it to XXXXX and if she don’t want it too, just put it in an envelope and send it back to me. If that happens I would know that you don’t want to know about me anymore. But please don’t let that happen because you mean a lot to me and the fact is that “I think I love you”; and “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when you are with me.” I was reserving this kind of verse for someone who I really love and like and you were the one that made me plasm these words so I believe that you are that special person that I was looking for. I know that it is stupid falling in love like this but that’s the way it is and only destiny can tell about what is going to happen.
*********
Poor Mauricio! He didn't know about my crafty plan with Peter D. He didn't know that I lied to him in Spanish! I had to write him back a letter, assuring him that I thought he and his hair were really great, but that it probably wasn't going to work out between us. And, I never heard from him again.
So, that is the story of my first guy experience. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed telling it. And to Mauricio, wherever you are...perhaps toiling at your parents' cheese factory in Guadalajara - I wish you nothing but the best. I will never, ever forget you.
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