So, two nights ago, I helped my boyfriend Ryan chaperone a high school semi-formal dance. I was so overwhelmed with opinions about the whole experience that I felt the need to start an entire blog devoted to these observations.
Let's start with the clothes. The girls whose parents clearly don't care about them wore 5 inch platform heels and Kate Middleton-inspired mini-dresses. When I say Kate Middleton, I mean in the sense of the lace sleeves that she rocked at her wedding. Now it seems that everyone wants to add a touch of class in the form of lace sleeves, but the whole concept of class goes out the door when the dress itself ends right below the girl's butt cheeks. I'd say that 80% of the dresses at this dance were that short. Also, approximately 100% of these girls were suffering from undergarment malfunctions. Unfortunately for them, the place was lit with a black light and no one thought to wear a black bra. There were bra straps eeking out EVERYWHERE. I was dying to tuck them in. Then again, some girls simply didn't have the proper type of bra to go with their tiny dresses. I saw at least 2 girls wearing regular bras with strapless dresses, which was just so sad.
The girls whose parents did care, sent them to the dance wearing slightly more age-appropriate dresses. At least they were long enough to not pose a danger when bending over. Actually, the prettiest girl at the dance was wearing a white dress with a lace overlay and three-quarter-length sleeves. She had long hair and wore practically no make-up, which reminded me that really, young girls do look so pretty without a lot of makeup. That's one of those things you don't realize until you NEED makeup to cover things up like your first wrinkles and discolorations. But, makeup is fun. I get it.
Anyway, I know I sound like I am judging these girls for these outfits, and I guess I am. They just looked so...old. They looked 25 when they should have looked 15. It made me feel scared and like I was in an alternative universe where the Kardashians ran everything. Has there ever been a time when girls looked so mature at such young ages?
Speaking of Kardashians, all these girls also all had really long hair. Just GORGEOUS long hair that loosely curled at the end. It made me wonder how many of them were wearing extensions, because it's just impossible that so many girls have such luxuriously long hair. Then again, I'm not sure. Maybe it's just because I've always been jealous of hair like that and have always wanted it. I take no issue with the hair at this event. Girls at this dance were Victoria's Secret models from the hairline up.
Newsflash! Bella Swan was there. I saw her. She wore a black Kate Middleton-sleeve mini-dress and was rocking a pair of Toms. She stood next to her group of friends and circled her arms in a self-conscious hunched self-hug. She was gorgeous and fragile and inherently annoying. I bet there is one or two of her at every school across America now, watching for her future Vampire lover.
The Hottest Guys in School arrived about an hour into the dance. They strode in together, tall and with the light framing them from the gym door frame. Hot #1 had perfectly coiffed red hair and slanted eyes and flushed Irish cheeks. He wore Nantucket red pants with J.Crew canvas belt, an Izod shirt, and pointy brown shiny shoes. His friend, Hot #2 had tousled wavy brown hair and wore perfectly fitting jeans and a white shirt, tucked in. He also wore a canvas J.Crew belt. They were men among boys. They were movie stars among plebeians. They reminded me of that movie with Drew Barrymore where she goes back to high school undercover and talks about how there is always "that guy" in every class. I felt lucky to have identified them. Priceless.
When they walked in, you could literally see the girls in tight groups turning around and looking, their mouths moving as they probably said, "OMG, Ryder is here." Some girl whose name was probably Kaylie or Kayleigha came running up and gave Hot #1 a big clingy hug, showing the other girls that she was popular enough to do this. He returned the hug casually...non-commitally, as he did with every girl who hugged him that night. Hots #1 and #2 spent most of the night hanging out by the gym doors, surveying the scene and waiting for the popular girls to come grab them by the hand and drag them to the butt circle (more on this later). Ryan leaned in at one point and said, "These guys have got it down." I kept wondering whether they might just be gay. What high school boy knows how to dress like that??
As I know you remember from your awkward high school days, there are groups everywhere. At a dance, there are usually small groups that eventually merge into each other to make larger groups, sort of like how one bacterial colony runs into another one and they form a cohesive and larger colony. (Good metaphor, Hansel). People unlucky enough to not have a group sit alone at tables, looking forlorn and sad. I watched one poor kid sit by himself for the entire dance and wondered why he even came. I wanted badly to go over and sit down with him and talk to him, but I remembered how I felt in junior high when I had no friends and a teacher sat with me in the cafeteria. I knew what she was doing. I felt like such a loser and lied and said my friends were coming soon. I decided to let that lonely kid do his thing.
At first, groups of self-conscious girls arrived, walking close with each other, almost afraid to cross the threshold of the gym. Once they were in, they ran to different places as though they had somewhere to go and it was very important. They didn't dance, which is pretty typical of a high school dance. Instead, as per usual, they stood in a circle and looked around them, probably saying, "OMG, I can't believe that Ryder is dancing with Brooklyn!"
There was one guy, who I absolutely loved, who danced all by himself in one part of the gym. He was about 6 feet tall, pudgy, with a shock of dark shaggy hair. He was INTO it. He stomped around his little area, shaking his hands and feet, dropping it low, wagging his head. He was actually a really good dancer! All of the other kids watched him in disdain as they stood stock still or danced in the butt circle. After a while, it became clear that this kid had a few friends...perhaps the artsy kids who don't mind standing out a bit. Some of them danced with him, but they couldn't keep up and even they were somewhat self-conscious about his performance, so they'd dance with him for a minute and then run quickly away to that place they had to be.
Things started getting really weird around 9PM when the popular kids had achieved their critical colony mass and they started with the dirty dancing. When I was in high school, this was called "freaking". I am not going to pretend that I did not love doing it. Back in 1997, when guys and girls danced together, we danced face to face, the girl practically sitting on one of the guy's leg. As the girl, you would put your arms around the guy's neck and lean back with your upper body while meshing your legs with the dude's. If the guy was good at it, he'd basically sway and grind against you and you would follow. It was sexy and probably inappropriate, but oh, so fun. You know what I'm talking about. We still do this when "Yeah" by Usher comes on at a wedding. Or, maybe that's just me, but I do not apologize for it.
Things have changed, and it's just weird. The new thing to do is the "butt circle". It's not even nearly as creative as freaking! The teachers seemed appalled by it, but I couldn't help silently feeling like it wasn't so bad. All of the popular kids stood in a huge uneven circle, the guys on the outside and the girls on the inside. The way the dance works is that they guy puts his hands on the girl's waist, who stands in front of him, her rear firmly against his pelvic area. Then, they move in time to the music, rear ends frenetically moving from side to side. From the outside, this circle looks ridic - just a bunch of swaying khaki boy butts. They even do it to the slow songs! It's just not creative at all. I mean, I can see where it came from. Basically, there is always a time in freaky dancing where the girl turns around and "backs dat ass up" into the guy for a little while. I've done it. You've done it. It's part of the whole thing. But you can't back dat ass up for an entire dance! You just can't!
Backing dat ass up brings me to my feelings in general about this dance. As a chaperone, I was supposed to alert Mr. In Charge if I saw anything suspicious. All I saw were a bunch of khaki butt circles, and a few kids making out. And the thing was, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Wouldn't it have been hypocritical of me to tell these kids to stop when I, myself, would have probably been doing the same thing? I remember being at those dances, feeling gorgeous and powerful and sexy. And meanwhile, who am I to judge these girls for wearing these tiny dresses? I mean, it is what is in style right now, and some of them did look gorgeous, albeit 25 years old. When I was in high school, the style was baggy jeans and baby ts. I flaunted my midriff all the time. My parents hated it because it was completely tacky, but it was what was in style and so I did it.
In summary, I'd just like to say that if I were attending that dance instead of chaperoning it, I probably would have been one of the girls in the short dress and the sky high heels, participating in the butt circle with Hot #1 or #2.
I mean, if I were still in high school, that is. Obviously.
Let's start with the clothes. The girls whose parents clearly don't care about them wore 5 inch platform heels and Kate Middleton-inspired mini-dresses. When I say Kate Middleton, I mean in the sense of the lace sleeves that she rocked at her wedding. Now it seems that everyone wants to add a touch of class in the form of lace sleeves, but the whole concept of class goes out the door when the dress itself ends right below the girl's butt cheeks. I'd say that 80% of the dresses at this dance were that short. Also, approximately 100% of these girls were suffering from undergarment malfunctions. Unfortunately for them, the place was lit with a black light and no one thought to wear a black bra. There were bra straps eeking out EVERYWHERE. I was dying to tuck them in. Then again, some girls simply didn't have the proper type of bra to go with their tiny dresses. I saw at least 2 girls wearing regular bras with strapless dresses, which was just so sad.
The girls whose parents did care, sent them to the dance wearing slightly more age-appropriate dresses. At least they were long enough to not pose a danger when bending over. Actually, the prettiest girl at the dance was wearing a white dress with a lace overlay and three-quarter-length sleeves. She had long hair and wore practically no make-up, which reminded me that really, young girls do look so pretty without a lot of makeup. That's one of those things you don't realize until you NEED makeup to cover things up like your first wrinkles and discolorations. But, makeup is fun. I get it.
Anyway, I know I sound like I am judging these girls for these outfits, and I guess I am. They just looked so...old. They looked 25 when they should have looked 15. It made me feel scared and like I was in an alternative universe where the Kardashians ran everything. Has there ever been a time when girls looked so mature at such young ages?
Speaking of Kardashians, all these girls also all had really long hair. Just GORGEOUS long hair that loosely curled at the end. It made me wonder how many of them were wearing extensions, because it's just impossible that so many girls have such luxuriously long hair. Then again, I'm not sure. Maybe it's just because I've always been jealous of hair like that and have always wanted it. I take no issue with the hair at this event. Girls at this dance were Victoria's Secret models from the hairline up.
Newsflash! Bella Swan was there. I saw her. She wore a black Kate Middleton-sleeve mini-dress and was rocking a pair of Toms. She stood next to her group of friends and circled her arms in a self-conscious hunched self-hug. She was gorgeous and fragile and inherently annoying. I bet there is one or two of her at every school across America now, watching for her future Vampire lover.
The Hottest Guys in School arrived about an hour into the dance. They strode in together, tall and with the light framing them from the gym door frame. Hot #1 had perfectly coiffed red hair and slanted eyes and flushed Irish cheeks. He wore Nantucket red pants with J.Crew canvas belt, an Izod shirt, and pointy brown shiny shoes. His friend, Hot #2 had tousled wavy brown hair and wore perfectly fitting jeans and a white shirt, tucked in. He also wore a canvas J.Crew belt. They were men among boys. They were movie stars among plebeians. They reminded me of that movie with Drew Barrymore where she goes back to high school undercover and talks about how there is always "that guy" in every class. I felt lucky to have identified them. Priceless.
When they walked in, you could literally see the girls in tight groups turning around and looking, their mouths moving as they probably said, "OMG, Ryder is here." Some girl whose name was probably Kaylie or Kayleigha came running up and gave Hot #1 a big clingy hug, showing the other girls that she was popular enough to do this. He returned the hug casually...non-commitally, as he did with every girl who hugged him that night. Hots #1 and #2 spent most of the night hanging out by the gym doors, surveying the scene and waiting for the popular girls to come grab them by the hand and drag them to the butt circle (more on this later). Ryan leaned in at one point and said, "These guys have got it down." I kept wondering whether they might just be gay. What high school boy knows how to dress like that??
As I know you remember from your awkward high school days, there are groups everywhere. At a dance, there are usually small groups that eventually merge into each other to make larger groups, sort of like how one bacterial colony runs into another one and they form a cohesive and larger colony. (Good metaphor, Hansel). People unlucky enough to not have a group sit alone at tables, looking forlorn and sad. I watched one poor kid sit by himself for the entire dance and wondered why he even came. I wanted badly to go over and sit down with him and talk to him, but I remembered how I felt in junior high when I had no friends and a teacher sat with me in the cafeteria. I knew what she was doing. I felt like such a loser and lied and said my friends were coming soon. I decided to let that lonely kid do his thing.
At first, groups of self-conscious girls arrived, walking close with each other, almost afraid to cross the threshold of the gym. Once they were in, they ran to different places as though they had somewhere to go and it was very important. They didn't dance, which is pretty typical of a high school dance. Instead, as per usual, they stood in a circle and looked around them, probably saying, "OMG, I can't believe that Ryder is dancing with Brooklyn!"
There was one guy, who I absolutely loved, who danced all by himself in one part of the gym. He was about 6 feet tall, pudgy, with a shock of dark shaggy hair. He was INTO it. He stomped around his little area, shaking his hands and feet, dropping it low, wagging his head. He was actually a really good dancer! All of the other kids watched him in disdain as they stood stock still or danced in the butt circle. After a while, it became clear that this kid had a few friends...perhaps the artsy kids who don't mind standing out a bit. Some of them danced with him, but they couldn't keep up and even they were somewhat self-conscious about his performance, so they'd dance with him for a minute and then run quickly away to that place they had to be.
Things started getting really weird around 9PM when the popular kids had achieved their critical colony mass and they started with the dirty dancing. When I was in high school, this was called "freaking". I am not going to pretend that I did not love doing it. Back in 1997, when guys and girls danced together, we danced face to face, the girl practically sitting on one of the guy's leg. As the girl, you would put your arms around the guy's neck and lean back with your upper body while meshing your legs with the dude's. If the guy was good at it, he'd basically sway and grind against you and you would follow. It was sexy and probably inappropriate, but oh, so fun. You know what I'm talking about. We still do this when "Yeah" by Usher comes on at a wedding. Or, maybe that's just me, but I do not apologize for it.
Things have changed, and it's just weird. The new thing to do is the "butt circle". It's not even nearly as creative as freaking! The teachers seemed appalled by it, but I couldn't help silently feeling like it wasn't so bad. All of the popular kids stood in a huge uneven circle, the guys on the outside and the girls on the inside. The way the dance works is that they guy puts his hands on the girl's waist, who stands in front of him, her rear firmly against his pelvic area. Then, they move in time to the music, rear ends frenetically moving from side to side. From the outside, this circle looks ridic - just a bunch of swaying khaki boy butts. They even do it to the slow songs! It's just not creative at all. I mean, I can see where it came from. Basically, there is always a time in freaky dancing where the girl turns around and "backs dat ass up" into the guy for a little while. I've done it. You've done it. It's part of the whole thing. But you can't back dat ass up for an entire dance! You just can't!
Backing dat ass up brings me to my feelings in general about this dance. As a chaperone, I was supposed to alert Mr. In Charge if I saw anything suspicious. All I saw were a bunch of khaki butt circles, and a few kids making out. And the thing was, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Wouldn't it have been hypocritical of me to tell these kids to stop when I, myself, would have probably been doing the same thing? I remember being at those dances, feeling gorgeous and powerful and sexy. And meanwhile, who am I to judge these girls for wearing these tiny dresses? I mean, it is what is in style right now, and some of them did look gorgeous, albeit 25 years old. When I was in high school, the style was baggy jeans and baby ts. I flaunted my midriff all the time. My parents hated it because it was completely tacky, but it was what was in style and so I did it.
In summary, I'd just like to say that if I were attending that dance instead of chaperoning it, I probably would have been one of the girls in the short dress and the sky high heels, participating in the butt circle with Hot #1 or #2.
I mean, if I were still in high school, that is. Obviously.
The butt circle is well known in young adult circles. I myself have witnessed it in nature, though the popular behavior in western NY is to line up against the wall and pull the girls' butts into you. Your face must remain expressionless even if you are enjoying the dry butt rub.
ReplyDeleteShort skirts are something all young girls wear. I myself sported a few... I'm sure you did as well! But it is kind of an epidemic these days. Or maybe we're just old fogies.